In the Nest, the underground layer of the vigilante Hawk-Owl and his young partner, Woody, the duo was closing another case after a long night. The Nest was filled with a large amount of computer equipment as well as souvenirs from previous cases the team had worked on, including Kitten Hitler's Nazi costume; Robo-Gallagher's sledge hammer and the Sonic Gimp's sonic blaster, among other items.
“Another case solved, old chum,” Hawk-Owl said, dressed in a black and gray costume with a long black cape. An owl mask with yellow eyes covered the top half of his face. “The Sonic Gimp has once again been defeated.”
“I'm beat, I think I'm going to bed,” Woody replied. He was wearing a red and orange costume with a short red cape, with a red domino mask over his eyes. He had short cut blonde hair and didn't look to be any older than 15. “That Gimp really worked me over, I think I'm going to be sore in the morning.”
“I'll have Newman bring up some pain reliever,” Hawk-Owl told him. “Goodnight, kid.”
Woody headed up the staircase to the exit out of the Nest, stepping out of the old grandfather clock which served as the entrance. As he was about to close the entrance, he heard a loud explosion. The sidekick quickly rushed back in and found the Nest was on fire, with several more explosions rocking the cave, followed by a hideously insane laughter.
“No,” Woody said as he saw a shadowy form in the rising flames. But he knew who it was from the laugh. “Happy Mel.”
A clown with greasy red hair, dressed in a yellow and white jumpsuit and large red shoes, emerged from the flames. He had badly applied white paint smeared over his face, with a scarred smile etched across his mouth. He was holding the Sonic Gimp's sonic cannon. “I'm lovin' it!”
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#6
DEC 14 |
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“Menace of the Mascots”
Reporters were standing around the remains of Danner manor as firefighters and rescue workers continued to try to put out the flames.
“There is still no cause revealed for the fire that destroyed stately Danner manor last night,” the reporter said. “The investigation will continue after the fire is put out. In the meantime, millionaire playboy Jack Danner is in critical condition at the Our Lady of the Evening hospital. His young ward, Hank Kipple, suffering only minor injuries, helped his adopted father out of the mansion before its collapse. More on this story as it develops.”
Hank was watching the news report from a local motel with his butler, Newman, standing nearby. He was dressed in his street clothes, with his Woody costume safely stored away until he needed it again.
“Happy Mel knew where the cave was. How did he know where the cave was?” Hank asked as he looked at Newman. “None of our enemies ever knew where the cave was before, so how did that psycho get in there?”
“Master Hank, there is a greater worry here,” Newman told him. “With Master Jack in a coma, Happy Mel is free to wreck havoc on the city. The last time he nearly killed everyone with his toxic Happy Meals.”
“I'm going to need help,” Hank told him as he looked at a news report covering the exploits of the newest hero, Alpha. “That new guy in Indiana. That's only a few hours from here. I need to find this Alpha guy and get him to help me take down Happy Mel.”
“Do you think he'll come to Chicago to help you?” Newman asked.
“Only one way to find out,” Hank replied. “Get my costume ready, Newman. I'm going to Greenwood, Indiana.”
In the next state over, the door to the Second National Bank was ripped off its hinges as an eight foot tall muscular woman burst through. She looked to be several hundred pounds of muscle, and looked like Bea Arthur.
“No one can stop Auntie Maim!” the woman shouted as she rushed down the steps with several bags of money in her hands. As she got to the bottom, Alpha landed in front of her.
“Aw man, I can't hit a girl!” Alpha told her. “Can't you just surrender and go to jail peacefully?”
“No!” Auntie Maim shouted as she smacked Alpha with the large sack of money, knocking him across the street. The woman laughed as she started running away. Alpha, who had landed in a large group of trashcans, stood up and brushed himself off.
“Come on, Maguire, use that...thing in your head that you do smart stuff with,” Alpha told himself. “I can't let Large Marge get away.”
Looking around, Alpha saw the manhole in the middle of the street and got an idea. Meanwhile, further up the street, Auntie Maim was cut off by several squad cars. The officers got out and pointed their guns as the large woman just laughed. She picked up one of the squad cars used it to knock the other cars away. The officers started firing their guns, their bullets just bouncing off of the woman. Auntie Maim just laughed again as she tossed the car at them like it was a toy. The officers got out of the way just in time as she just continued walking with her money.
“Nobody gets the drop on Auntie Maim!” she bragged as she felt the ground shaking. “What's that noise?”
The pavement around Auntie Mame started breaking away, forming a circular pattern. Suddenly, the ground under her was lifted up as Alpha started flying the piece of pavement into the air with her on it. As they got up higher, Auntie Maim started punching through the pavement to reach for the hero.
“Sorry, no one allowed in the cockpit but the pilot,” Alpha said as he used a light photon blast on her hand. “We hope you enjoy your flight on Alpha airlines. Your inflight movie will be 'Chunky Womon Gets 10 to 20'.”
Auntie Maim growled as she jumped up into the air and came back down on the pavement, shattering it into several pieces. She started falling toward the ground as Alpha flew down after her, grabbing the villain by the collar of her shirt. “Want to play it this way? Fine by me,” Alpha said as he swung her around as fast as he could before letting her go. He watched her sail off into the distance before following, and eventually passing her. Seconds later, he was waiting for her with a large cage. Auntie Mame crashed into it as Alpha closed the door before flying it toward the prison. “Borrowed this from the zoo where they keep the gorillas. Hope they don't mind that they I put Bonzo somewhere else.”
At the zoo, Bonzo the gorilla was sitting in the employee lounge. He was sipping a cup of coffee while chuckling at the newspaper comic strip.
That night, Alpha was sitting the ledge of a building as his cellphone started ringing. He looked down and saw it was Casey. “'Sup?”
“You coming home soon?” Casey asked as he was making some popcorn. “You know curfew's at 11, right?”
Alpha looked at his watch. “It's only 8, I'll be home in time; going to do one last sweep of the city. Just tell your parents that I'm studying at a friend's house.”
“They'll never buy that,” Casey told him. “I'll tell them you're out seeing 'Smurfs 2'.”
“Dude! No one can know that I saw that movie,” Alpha reminded him. “Tell them I saw Tarantino's new movie or something. I'll be home in an hour or two.”
Alpha hung up and got ready to fly off to do one final sweep of the city for the night when he saw a couple of carjackers in the parking lot next door. They were a bit smalltime for his liking, but stopping crime was what he came out to do.
The carjackers were using a crowbar to get the window down, finally succeeding. Just as they were about to get into the car, a voice coughed to get their attention.
“Excuse me, boys,” Woody said, standing behind them, “but I believe that car doesn't belong to you.”
The two men started laughing at the young man, who was dressed in bright colors. “And who are you supposed to be? Target Boy?”
“The name's Woody,” Woody said as he pulled out his bo staff. “And I really don't like it when people laugh at the costume.”
The two carjackers rushed toward him as Woody twirled his bo staff, avoiding their hits as he struck back, cracking the first carjacker in the arm. The man screamed in pain as he pulled out a gun with his other hand, but Woody knocked it out of his grip before swinging back, hitting the other man in the leg. The other carjacker fell to the ground in pain as Woody used his staff to sweep the other man off of his feet, holding the staff at his throat.
“I can crush your windpipe right now,” Woody told him. “Let's see you laugh at me now.”
Alpha flew down and knocked Woody away, as the two carjackers started stumbling away. Alpha grabbed Woody and pushed him against the wall.
“You broke that guy's arm!” Alpha shouted. “Around here we don't use lethal force against two idiots who are trying to steal cars!”
“You must be Alpha,” Woody said as he grabbed the hero's arm and flipped him to the ground. “Nice to meet you, I'm Woody.”
Alpha got up and went to grab the vigilante, but he grabbed Alpha and flung him into the wall. He stuck a small owl shaped boomerang into Alpha's shirt and jumped away as it exploded, sending Alpha to the ground.
“Oh, I am so kicking your –” Alpha said as several smoke pellets fell down around him. He started coughing as Woody started hitting him with his bo staff. He gave Alpha one more good hit before sending him onto his back.
“I can't believe I came all the way here for this,” Woody told him. “If you can't take a few hits from me, then there's no way you can take on Happy Mel. Stop holding back and hit me, you loser!”
Alpha coughed a few times as he got up and looked at the young man. He couldn't have been any older than Alpha was, and didn't seem to have any powers. So how was he kicking Alpha's butt?
“You want to see what I've got?” Alpha asked as he cracked his knuckles. “Fine.”
Alpha tossed several photon blasts at Woody, who easily dodged and deflected them. “Is that all you –” Woody started to say as he was caught off guard by a piece of metal being wrapped around him. “Got?”
“Photon blasts were a distraction while I found something to wrap around you,” Alpha told him. “Now, who are you, and why are you in my city?”
A short while later, Wood explained to Alpha about who he was.
“I'm Hawk-Owl's partner,” Woody told him as they sat on top of the building where Alpha was earlier. “I used to be an orphan with a home. Then Hawk-Owl found me in an orphanage and took me in. Well, not Hawk-Owl, his secret identity. I guess he just lonely and wanted a family, so he picked me. I found out about his... nighttime activities and he reluctantly agreed to let me join him as his partner. So he trained me and I became Woody the Junior Wonder. For the last three years I've been helping him defend Chicago.”
“But two nights ago, Hawk-Owl's worst enemy, Happy Mel, somehow found out about our secret Nest. He burned it to the ground, stole the Sonic Gimp's sonic cannon and put Hawk-Owl into a coma. Without Hawk-Owl to stop him, he's going to destroy Chicago. I can't stop him alone, but I don't know any heroes to ask for help. You're the only person I can turn to, Alpha.”
“Dude, my first real team up,” Alpha smiled. The one with Captain America on his adventure didn't exactly count since Cap was more or less against Alpha on that one. “This is going to be so awesome.”
“So you'll do it?” Woody asked.
“Yeah, I'll do it,” Alpha told him as they stood up. “But I kind of have to get home for curfew tonight, so we'll have to go in the morning.”
“Cur-few?” Woody said, sounding it out. “What's that?”
Alpha just looked at him. “I'll meet you back here in the morning.”
Chicago
The security guard walked into the lobby of the scientific firm with his lunch, sitting down at the desk next to his partner.
“Chicken nuggets?” the other guard asked. “Where'd you get those?”
“A vendor was selling them out front,” the first guard told him as he picked one up. “Wanna share?”
The second guard picked one up and heard a ticking sound. “Why is nugget ticking?”
From outside the building, several large explosions were heard. Happy Mel waited a few seconds, then kicked opened the doors and started laughing. He was escorted by his henchmen, four 6-foot-tall muscular black men wearing different colored mops with googly eyes on their heads. The group walked through the lobby, passing the smoking crater of the security guard's desk.
The group headed up several stories, finally reaching the lab that they were looking for. Happy Mel stood back as he looked between his men.
“Fry Guys, take it down,” Happy Mel ordered.
The Fry Guys stepped forward, sticking french fries all along the crevices in the door. They lit several of them and stood back as the doors was blown off of its hinges. They walked in as Happy Mel saw what he was looking for on a table. He went over and picked up a metallic headband.
“What are you going to do with that, boss?” One of the Fry Guys asked.
“We're going to put a smile on everyone's face,” Happy Mel said as he started laughing.
Andy woke up the next morning, rolling over in his bed to find Woody standing over him. Andy let out a girlish scream as he fell over the side of the bed. He popped back up and held his hand over his racing heart. “Dude, what the frick! How did you know where I lived?”
“I followed you home last night, slept in the treehouse out back,” Woody told him as he looked at Andy's Spider-Man-themed boxers. “Seriously?”
“Shut-up,” Andy said as he grabbed his pants. “You probably wear Hawk-Owl underwear.”
“...Iron Man,” Woody sheepishly admitted. “We need to get back to my city. Who knows what Happy Mel's planning to do.”
At the Jack-in-the-Box Asylum in Chicago, Happy Mel used the Sonic Gimp's cannon to blast open the doors before casually strolling in with a gas mask on. The Fry Guys followed, tossing chicken nuggets stuffed with sleeping gas everywhere, causing the guards to fall asleep almost instantly.
Happy Mel reached the containment cells and looked around at the villains that were kept within the plastic units:
The Burger Duke: A man with a large, plastic (and very creepy) man mask with a beard. He was dressed very regally. The crime: Sneaking into people's houses and getting into bed with them, slitting their throats when woke up the next morning.
Wyndie: An overly bulked up woman with red hair and pigtails, who was wearing a simple polka dot dress with an apron. The crime: stabbing people with hardened chunks of a frozen chocolate drink she created.
The Nord: A man dressed in pink spandex, with large rabbit like ears on his head and a large 'N' on his chest. The crime: Killing pizza delivery boys to destroy their cargo before they reached their destination.
General Sanders: A older Southern gentlemen, dressed in all white. The crime: Deep frying his customers and selling them as pieces of chicken.
And finally, Little Boy: An 8 year old child wearing checkered overalls with black hair with a spit curl. He was the one the everyone feared the most next to Happy Mel. The crime: Too many too list.
“My fellow inmates,” Happy Mel said as he looked around. “Thanks to the generosity of my new silent partner, I've taken out the one obstacle that's stood in our way for years. I have taken out Hawk-Owl! With that annoying bird out of the way, this city will be ours!”
“But what about other heroes showing up to ruin our fun?” Wyndie asked as she did pull-ups from inside her cell.
“Oh, I have that all taken care of,” Happy Mel said with a laugh. “We're going to make Chicago the happiest place on Earth. And any heroes who show up to stop us will want to get in on the fun.”
Alpha had flown Woody home, stopping off in an alley to change into their secret identities.
“I don't get it,” Andy said as he shoved his Alpha costume into his backpack. “Why don't we track down this Happy Mel first thing?”
“Because I need to see my foster father,” Hank said as he slid his own backpack over his shoulder. “I need to make sure he's alright before we do this. Once I know that Jack is okay, we'll go find that psychotic clown.”
As the two stepped out of the alley, the first thing they saw was a purse snatcher. Hank stuck out his leg to trip the burglar as Alpha tossed a photon blast at his hand to send the purse flying back to its owner.
At the hospital, Hank found his adoptive father in the ICU. He was hooked up to several machines and had a respirator over his mouth. Andy stood at the door as Hank sat at the man's bedside.
“Jack, it's me, Hank,” Hank whispered as he took the man's bandaged hand. “You can't die on me, Jack. I need you. This city needs you. You need to fight this and help me keep this town safe.”
Newman came to the door and looked at the two teenagers. “I take it this is Alpha?”
“Andy,” Andy replied as he looked at the man. “I'm going to help Hank find the guy who did this to his dad and make him pay.”
“Happy Mel is no ordinary criminal,” Newman told the hero. “He is extremely psychotic and extremely lethal. You would do well to remember to not underestimate him.”
“Yeah, well, he's never gone up against me before,” Andy told him with a smirk. “I think I can handle this clown.”
Hank wiped away some tears as he stood up. “Come on, Andy, let's get started. Hawk-Owl had a back-up base hidden in the city that we can use. He had it set up in case the Nest ever became compromised.”
As the two boys left, Newman just watched Andy, not liking this new player.
“You'd think they'd make cop cars out of more durable material,” Happy Mel said as they returned to his secret hideout, which was an abanded restaraunt with an adjoining playroom. “All twenty of them seemed to blow up with no problem at all.”
“So, what's this secret plan of yours?” General Sanders asked as the group looked around the place, which looked fairly kept up with the exception of the chalk outlines of human bodies all over the place.
“We are going to turn Chicago into our own personal playland,” Happy Mel smirked as he pulled out the Sonic Gimp's sonic laser. “Using this.”
“The Sonic Gimp's toy? He won't be happy you borrowed it,” Wyndy told him.
“He's doing 10 to 20, he won't miss it,” Happy Mel reminded her as he pulled out the metallic head band. “And if he does, I can change his attitude using my other new toy.”
“A fashion accessory? The Burger Duke's crown is nicer than that,” General Sanders replied as the Burger Duke gave him the thumbs up.
“Oh, this is much more than a mere fashion accessory,” Happy Mel said as he put the headband on. “You see, I've rewired the Sonic Gimp's laser. The headband? It's a mood maniupulator. It can control the emotions of anyone within a certain a distance. If I wanted to, without the laser, I could all of you into laughing lunatics, like me. But for the purposes of this demonstration, I've chosen something... funner.”
Happy Mel led them outside and aimed the sonic laser at the park across the street. He fired, hitting the parents who were wandering around while their children played. After a few moments, the parents started laughing maniacally, going insane before running off to cause mayhem. The confused children left behind started crying for their parents as the villains headed back inside.
“As long as I wear the headband, anyone struck by the laser will act just how I want them to act,” Happy Mel told them. “And I want them to act. Just. Like. Me.”
“You can't zap everyone in the city with that, doing it a few people at a time will take forever,” General Sanders told him.
“That's why we're...going bigger,” Happy Mel replied. “I've got it all figured out. And with my generals to round up those who somehow avoid my little 'happy beam', this city will be ours for the taking.”
“I doubt that,” a voice said from the doorway as Happy Mel smiled.
“Ah, my generous business partner,” Happy Mel said to his group. “So glad you could come, Newman.”
Newman stood in front of the gang, wondering what he had gotten himself into. He continued to remain composed as he addressed the gang. “You said you were going to take care of Hawk-Owl,” Newman told him, “and his partner. I can't kill them because it would suspicious, which is why I told you Hawk-Owl's secret identity and gave you the location of his underground layer. You were supposed to kill both that annoying brat and his ward so I could gain his fortune, but you only put that idiot into a coma, and the boy –”
“The boy was more crafty than I gave him credit for, he got away before I could get to him,” Happy Mel reminded him. “But I never leave a job unfinished. I'll get the little mcnugget soon enough.”
“He's brought in a ringer from Indiana,” Newman told him. “Another brat named Alpha, one with superpowers. He's not very bright, but he is powerful.”
“One hero, or a dozen, they'll all be thinking happy thoughts soon enough,” Happy Mel said as he put an arm around Newman. “I think you're stressing way too much. Say, would you like to a magic trick?”
Happy Mel pulled out a frozen french fry as he led Newman into the back. “I'm going to make this french fry disappear.”
Hank and Andy found the backup Nest, which was hidden in old warehouse in the business district of Chicago.
“We'll track Happy Mel and figure out what his next move is,” Hank told him as he started getting into costume. “Then he'll pay for what he did to Jack.”
“I've read stories about this Happy Mel,” Andy told him as he got his Alpha costume on. “He's killed dozens of people. How does he keep getting away?”
“Because he was declared legally insane,” Woody replied as he sat in front of the computer, leaving his mask on the console. “It doesn't matter how much they lock him down, he always finds a way out, and Hawk-Owl has a no killing policy. And now look where he is.”
Alpha left his hood and domino mask off as he walked up to the console, wondering what Woody was planning for his enemy. “Let's just find this guy before anyone else gets hurt.”
Happy Mel finished taking out the trash bags to the dumpster behind the restaurant as he returned to his gang. “Now, where were we?”
“Woody and Alpha,” Wyndy told him. “Those two could ruin everything. I've heard rumors that Alpha is indestructible. And we've all faced Woody before. The Hawk-Owl trained him well.”
Happy Mel started laughing at them. “I'm not worried about two pre-schoolers ruining my plans. I took down the Hawk-Owl, I can handle his kid. Or rather, all of you will handle his kid. You'll be running interference while I put the final phase of my grand design into action. I expect to have Woody's head on a stick by nightfall. It'll sit perfectly with Hawk-Owl's once I pay him one last visit after my next stop.”
Woody was swinging through the city with a grappling device while Alpha was flying next to him.
“So where do we find Happy Mel?” asked Alpha as he looked down at the street.
“We'll start at one of his old hideouts,” Woody replied. “He usually finds abandoned restaurants to hole up in.”
“Speaking of restaurants, we should hit one up before going any further,” Alpha told him. “I shouldn't have skipped breakfast.”
As Woody was about to reply, his grappling line was cut as he started falling toward the ground. Alpha flew down to grab him, but the Nord pounced onto his back, giggling madly as Alpha started falling alongside Woody. Just before they hit the ground, Alpha managed to get his bearings and grabbed Woody before they hit the pavement.
“It's the Nord and Wyndie!” Woody shouted. “But they're supposed to be locked up in the Jack-in-the-Box Asylum!”
“We took a mental health day,” Wyndie told them as she picked up a dumpster and tossed it at them. The two dived out of the way as the Nord was bouncing all over the place.
“I'll take care of this loon,” Alpha said as the Nord rebounded off of a wall, kicking him in the chest. Alpha fell onto his back as the Nord bounced toward him again. Alpha rolled out of the way, just as the Nord cracked the pavement under him.
“Be careful, the Nord's hard to catch!” Woody shouted as Wyndie grabbed him around the neck and lifted him into the air.
“I will rip your head off and use it as a bird feeder!” Wyndie said as she started choking him.
The Nord jumped into the air, intending to jump onto Alpha's chest and crack his ribs. As he slammed down towards the hero, Alpha grabbed his leg, tossing the Nord into Wyndie. The two villains fell to the ground as Woody fell out her grip.
“We need to end this fight before someone gets hurt,” Alpha said as Woody tried to catch his breath. “You take that hyperactive nutjob, I'll take Heidi.”
The Nord stood up and jumped into the air, jumping off the wall as Woody reached into his utility belt, waiting for the right moment. As the Nord flew toward him, Woody pulled out a grappling line and fired it, wrapping it around the Nord's ankle before pulling on the line and slamming the villain into the wall and knocking him unconscious.
“You think you can take me, little man?” Wyndie said as she cracked her knuckles. She rushed toward Alpha, but he jumped back as her fist slammed into the pavement. Alpha saw the impact she had and started punching the pavement around her with his speed. Before she could do anything, she fell through the pavement into the sewer below.
“Those two were supposed to be locked up,” Woody told Alpha. “I wonder who else is on the loose now?”
“Maybe it's a coordinated attack,” Alpha suggested. “First Happy Mel and now these two. Maybe it's a villain team-up to take you two down and take over the city.”
“Well, luckily they didn't succeed in killing my partner,” Woody told him as they headed toward Happy Mel's hideout. “If I lost Jack, I don't know what I'd do.”
At the hospital, Happy Mel was dressed in a nurse's outfit and wearing a germ mask over his mouth as he snuck into Jack Danner's room. He saw his mortal enemy lying in the bed and started laughing. “So, you were the Hawk-Owl,” Happy Mel said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a needle. “Once I thought that we were destined to do our little dance forever. But guess what, Jackie boy? The dance is over. Time to cook your goose, Hawk-Owl.”
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The End...
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