The narration finished as an image upon the screen changed to a logo that read Law and Order: Mutant Crimes Unit or MCU for short. Expectant eyes shot to the head of the table and the man that sat in judgment.
“Pass.” Warren Worthington sighed and leaned forward upon the large black conference table. Disappointment colored the eyes of each member of the assembled group of Hollywood directors and television executives.
“Understandable, Mr. Worthington; police procedurals are so last decade.” One of the men, Warren seemed to recall his name was Stan or such, seemed to rally back from the loss and grabbed the remote from another man. “We came with many viable products.”
“I’m sure you have.”
Taking that as an ascent to move to the next, Stan hit the next button on the remote. A graphic came up of a group of handsome young adults, some with visible power effects around them. “This is a project we were working on. It’s called Mutant X. A group of misunderstood mutants on the run from…”
“No.”
“But we…”
“Nothing with mutants on the run…is that understood? We’re working to put mutants in a positive light, Mr...”
“Sitwell.”
“Mr. Sitwell. Not as vigilantes or criminals. So unless you have something that does just that I think we’re finished here today.”
As Warren moved to slide away from the table, Sitwell got a third wind. “Wait, we do have such a project. I think you’re going to love this one sir. What about a reality show where a woman vies to choose from various eligible bachelors with the twist being their all mutants?”
“No.”
“A group of mutants stranded on an island and each week another is voted off?”
“No.”
“The ‘E’ network has offered up a chance in primetime airing real-estate for a reality documentary ‘Keeping up with the X-Men’.”
“No, no reality television.” The various shouts of offers from the gathered men were beginning to give Warren a world class headache. The man’s wings twitched as another executive placed up a slide on the projector, followed by another sliding a DVD for viewing. The decision to put mutant friendly programming out there had been an interesting one that he had chosen to run with. Now that decision was coming back to bite in the ass it seemed.
The screen showed a young animated boy in the forest and a giant rocky mutant was coming forward and growling at him. Seconds later the boy tossed a small device forward that exploded in bright light to bring a man with arcs of electricity crackling around his body into existence. The two mutants leapt forward to fight and the promo ended.
“Think of it as ‘Pokémon meets mutants’.”
“Okay, I’ve just about had it…” Before Warren could finish a bright light exploded in the center of the table. Various men went tumbling back to escape what was perceived to be an attack of some kind. Warren’s wings shot out to prepare to wrap around himself as protection. A swirling void grew from where the light had been and a figure moved through it.
Metal clanged as four swords bounced against the metallic body plates upon the body. Four hands held those swords aloft as white hair billowed down the shoulders. A curse went up from Warren as the woman became apparent. “Spiral.”
Smirking the woman moved aside as a thunderous clanking sound followed behind. Moments later the bulbous mass that was the master of the woman that just appeared made his triumphant emergence into their reality. Green and slimy as ever, Mojo the ruler of the self named Mojoworld stood smiling upon the table. “Angel, baby, long time no see! Let’s do lunch. You’re people can call my people. Capiche?”
Warren stood tall and defiant as the others cowered low out of sight. “Mojo! What do you want?”
“What do I want? I’m hurt, Angel-baby. I want nothing but the best for my favorite stars. I want to make an offer.”
“We don’t make deals with your kind.”
“Oh, I’m sorry you misunderstood. This is the kind of offer you can’t refuse.” The silly smile that was once there was wiped from the face as a more sinister one replaced it. Beside the man Spiral began her dance to open the portal again. Within seconds the interdimensional television mogul, his henchwoman, the executives, and the X-Man were gone. All that was left in the air was a sinister laugh and a few falling feathers.
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#5
NOV 10 |
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No Business like Show Business, Part One
“An Offer You Can't Refuse”
“An Offer You Can't Refuse”
Graymalkin Island
“What the hell is that?”
Jubilation Lee grinned as she plopped combat boot clad feet onto the large circular conference table with the stylized X in the middle. Within her hands was a large rectangular neon pink device with a headphone cord trailing from the top to the large headphones upon her head. They were so large they almost dwarfed her head. “It’s the X-Pod, baby, the newest thing on the market. Music playing at its best.”
Vance’s eyes blinked for a moment at the news, his finance Angelica sat behind him and had to place a hand to her mouth as she began to giggle. “Seriously…X-Pod?”
“Yeah dude, we’re a new craze here. They name everything after us. Shirts. Toys. Music Players. Hell, I hear they want to name a street after us. It’s so Avengers.”
Vance groaned loudly. Angelica patted his arm softly before turning her attention to Jubilee. “I’m glad you’re quite happy with this, Jubilee. This is a bright new time for most of you. I don’t think Vance is quite used to all the fame yet.”
“Oh yeah, the New Warriors or whatever it was? You guys were like second-rate heroes.”
“Second rate…we saved the world and New York many times!”
Vance’s yells echoed around and then were silenced as suddenly everything shifted and a bright light flashed through the room. In its aftermath there was none left in the room.
Outside Time and Space
Otherwise Known As Mojoworld
Eyes blinked and tried to compensate for bright lights and the realization that the location had changed from the metallic walls of the island conference room. Vance groaned and rubbed at a sore head. “Oh man, where are we?”
Cheers sounded as lights began to shine even brighter all around, spotlights coming to rest upon Vance and the others. As the light became a bit dimmer Vance was able to see that the entire team was there, plus Angel. All of them were within a small confined space that under further investigation was found out to be a metal cage. “I’m guessing we’re not in Chicago anymore?”
“No. Mojoworld.” Longshot’s usually jovial tone was far from it as the name of the realm of his creation rolled off his tongue with a slight hint of bitterness.
Loud laughter sounded as the corpulent yellow spineless media mogul for whom the realm was named rose on a platform over the cage. A tall gaunt man with graying hair stood with a large pad in hand, making occasional notations, making sure to stick close to the side his boss. Behind a group of various men in suits could be seen, fear evident in their eyes. Major Domo regarded the captured mutants with little more than the level of disdain that one showed a household pest.
Slimy yellow fingers came together as the smile on Mojo’s face grew. “Oh, now Longshot, baby, you hurt me. After all I did for you. Say hi to daddy!”
“Go to hell.”
“Oh, such language! Did the humans teach you that? For shame.”
“What do you want, Mojo?” Scott stood, hands on his hips as he glared at the being that only slightly resembled a man from behind his visor, even though none could actually see the glare.
“Just to make you all the stars you deserve to be. I have a deal that you just can’t say no to.”
“No.”
“You didn’t even hear the deal! Why it is the most delicious deal ever concocted I tell you! Utter genius. In fact, it is even more geniuser than any genius plan before. Domo, is that a word?”
“No sir.”
Mojo’s skinny yellow fingers stroked his massive drool covered chin. “Trademark it right away!”
“All ready done, sire.”
“Now where was I…oh yes! The geniuser plan that ever did live! I’m gonna make you stars! Bigger than the Kardashians! Bigger than the X-Babies! Oh how I loathe the X-Babies! No, you will be the greatest stars that the Mojoverse has ever produced. Whatta ya say kids?”
Each of the X-Men looked to one another as they heard the plan. Mojo was not to be trusted. In the bid for ratings in the past, the X-Men had long been some of his favorite play things and it had been nothing but a disaster for them. Jean began to speak but Scott was faster. “We say no. Send us home. We won’t work for you, Mojo. You’re not to be trusted. Send us back now before I get out of this cage and make you.”
A shiver ran through Mojo’s body though it could very well have been other bodily functions as it was hard to tell with all the rolls of yellow fat. “When did you get so testy? I love it! I told you this is an offer you just can’t refuse…now I have to show you. Major Domo…Lights! Cameras! Action!”
Before any of the X-Men could react the gaunt figure of Major Domo gripped a lever and pulled. As the lever was fully pulled the cage began to tumble and suddenly the X-Men found themselves bouncing around before suddenly everything went black around them.
Sunfire, Longshot, Shadowcat
“Tonight on Mutant Bachelorette, Kitty Pryde makes her final choice on whom to give the coveted final X-Belt to!”
An announcer’s voice rang out as a group of men stood around adjusting their collars or hair. Frustration was evident within the room as a groan sounded. Shiro stared at the suit upon him and the surroundings in distaste. “American reality television? Why am I not surprised a hack such as Mojo would use such dreck.”
“Hey, I subsist on this ‘dreck’ most nights, buddy,” said Kitty as she punctuated the point by jabbing a finger into the Japanese mutant’s chest. Glancing down she smiled slightly. “At least I got a fancy dress to wear. It’s not often that I get to dress up.”
“Yes, good for you; do we have to be part of this detestable exercise?”
“It’s Mojo’s game. There is usually no way out but finishing whatever the sick game is.” Longshot’s voice came from the crowd as the blond haired citizen of Mojoworld emerged from the crowd moments later. A four fingered hand reached up and adjusted the suit that he wore while a grim look was plastered upon his face. It was still a bit off putting to Kitty to see his jovial side seemingly shelved for the time being. Most knew that his time in Mojoworld was not pleasant, but they hardly ever saw the evidence of that.
“Lucky us,” Muttered Kitty.
“No…lucky that you have actual luck on your side.” For a moment the man actually slipped a bit back into his old self, the grim sliding away to be replaced with a slight smile. “So, Kitty, whoever will you choose?”
The brunette’s eyebrows rose as she stared around at all the men waiting for her announcement. “Really…yeah, this is not even close to how I ever pictured myself getting on one of these shows. For one, I thought it would be in reality and that at least I wouldn’t have any of my team there.”
“I’d be insulted if I truly cared,” Shiro spoke as he eyed the room for possible escape routes.
“Okay, yeah, I can tell who I won’t be picking for sure now. I guess the easiest way to just end it all then would be to pick Longshot then, right? Then the show would be at its conclusion.”
“Logical in its stupid simplicity.”
Longshot bumped Shiro’s arm before turning attention back to Kitty. “Be careful, Kitty; Mojo’s games are never as easy as they seem.”
“I choose Longshot,” said Kitty with trepidation.
All around the room began to shift and the room for the ceremony was replaced with a stage before a full audience before it. Shiro and Longshot were now seated on the stage alongside all the other men as well as some others that hadn’t been in the last room. Kitty stood in the middle of the stage with the host beside her. Two of the men were standing up and waving fingers and fists at Longshot.
“She was supposed to pick me! I hated you Longshot!” screamed one of the men as he suddenly leapt forward and tackled Longshot, causing them both to tumble over the chair and off the stage.
Kitty’s hand slapped her forehead. “Oh god…”
Cyclops, Siryn, Firestar
The blackness slid away and Scott’s eyes were suddenly filled with the image of a police precinct, officers all around going about their business. Scott was seated in a rolling office chair and a solid wood desk was before him covered in files and paperwork. Across from him was another desk and it was occupied by Theresa who was staring down at her own desk before glancing up and meeting his gaze. Frowns grew on each of their faces. All the X-Men were aware of the sort of games that Mojo put them through. None were ever a walk through the park.
“What ye think we’re going through?”
“Knowing his penchant for mimicking local media, I’d say a police procedural.”
Theresa sighed as she felt a major headache coming on. Police procedurals were her least favorite of television genres to be honest. While her father had been in law enforcement for a time, Theresa had never had a pleasant experience with the law and it caused her to just find the shows about them boring. Besides the fact that they were all pretty much the same and kept multiplying like crazy.
Stacks of files were upon each desk, apparently detailing crimes and suspects as well as victims of both. Stamped on each was the letters ‘MCU’ in large block print. Pushing a couple open, Scott scanned it and noticed that each suspect usually had mutant powers. Sometimes it was the victim. Upon one of the papers was the words ‘Mutant Crimes Unit’.
“Well, I think I figured this one out: a cop show about a special group solving Mutant-specific crimes. Sounds like something Hollywood executives would spit out to capitalize on our popularity.”
“Got a bad feeling about this.”
“Agreed.”
Across the way a door opened and a woman with flaming red hair, similar to Theresa’s own flaming red hair, came waltzing in attired in a sharp blouse and blazer combined with a black skirt and leggings. Angelica spotted the two and moved closer quickly. “Guys, what the heck is going on here?”
“We’re trapped in a cop show.” said Scott as he pushed the file forward.
Angelica stared at it for a moment. “You got to be kidding me.”
“Wish he was, can’t stand these types of shows. Ye have no idea how much ah loathe them,” Theresa muttered.
Before any of them could speak further about their situation, a far window exploded inwards. Glass poured into the room as all around ducked behind desks or walls as quick as they could. As the glass settled upon the ground and furniture a figure burst through the door, power brimming from the man’s body in an orange hue. Anguish was apparent on his face and in his voice as he began to yell. “Stella! Where’s Stella!!”
“Told ya…bad feeling.” Theresa’s comment brought an irritated frown from Scott as the world went to hell around them.
Phoenix, Jubilee, Archangel
Shattering glass could be heard as a drinking glass full of juice struck a wall, a head of red hair barely managing to avoid the flying dish by ducking behind a counter. Soon a couple of pots and pans followed the glass. Anguished shrieks accompanied the flying kitchen equipment. Jean reached out with her powers, stopping the assault. The weaponized kitchenware was frozen in the air as the throwing figure shrieked some more while leaping around. “You don’t understand me at all! Two timing hussy stealing my boyfriend!”
The dark haired woman, the one having the temper tantrum, leapt around the counter and grabbed Warren by the arm and tried to drag him over. “Don’t you love me, Warren baby?”
“Jean… dare I ask what is going on here?” It was clear by Warren’s face that at the moment he was quite uncomfortable. Understandable when one suddenly finds a woman squeezing them and throwing dishes at others.
“You got me, fly boy, I’m in the dark just as much as you are here.”
“No way!” Both turned to see the form of Jubilee rush into the kitchen. Wonderment and joy was plastered all over the young woman’s face. “I totally know this show! It’s on ‘E’ or something…’Keeping Up With Some Bimbo’! It’s totally awesome though.”
“Why am I not surprised that we’re stuck in a Jubilee-style fantasy?” Warren mused, pulling his arm away from the over enthusiastic woman who still had yet to let go of him.
“You’re just jealous my style of entertainment totally rocks over your old man stuff.”
“Jubilee, I’m only in my thirties.”
“Yeah, that’s why I said old. Duh.”
A crash sounded from the other room as another woman ran around screaming about something. “Is that all they do?” Jean looked around confused, trying to gain bearing of their situation.
“Pretty much. Yell. Break things. Photo shoots. Be famous and such. Awesome stuff.”
Warren’s head shook. “The new generation is truly a lost cause.”
Jubilee waved the winged man off and dashed out of the room to see what else was going on. Jean watched the woman once holding onto Warren follow suit. Standing beside her old friend she met his gaze. “What do you think we have to do to get out of this game of Mojo’s?”
“I’m not sure. He appeared at my office speaking of that offer that he made to us, claiming to help us just as he did a bit ago. There is something bigger going on. The strange part is that I recall one of my marketing department guys mentioning doing a show like this for the X-Men. Since I saw some of my department heads up there with Mojo, I’m guessing he’s using their ideas and calling them his own. It seems logical to assume that the rest of the team is trapped in more of these ideas.”
Jean frowned. “Is that good or bad?”
“Depends on what they’re trapped in. Though if it’s as sedate as this what’s the worst that can happen?”
Cyclops, Siryn, Firestar
Shards of glass reflected the blood dripping out around them. A large shard was wedged pretty deep within the tan leg covered in black stockings. Angelica winced as fingers pried at the glass. Blood slickened fingers kept slipping upon the piece only causing more pain as the impact of the slipping fingers rubbed the glass against the skin and muscle it was slicing through. All around her shouts came as the man continued to scream. When he had first entered the orange hue around him had grown, as if suddenly the power that seemed to be brimming in him exploded outwards.
Desks and bodies had been thrown all around. During the chaos, the former Avenger had lost track of her two teammates. Screams could be heard from the injured and those still trying to escape the man’s rampage. Beams shot from his hands and struck everything from the walls to the people within then precinct whether they were the cops or the criminals taken into custody and being processed. The man didn’t care.
Out of the corner of her eye Angelica spotted a flash of red hair as Terry leapt forward, powered by her sonic screams, only to be struck in the chest and the head by the energy beams. The Irish mutant crumpled to the ground quickly as she lost consciousness. Clearly the energy beams of the rampaging mutant were not to be messed with.
Another figure was seen moving as Scott dashed around a desk, trying to get a clear shot. It was hard to do with a constantly moving target. Eyes settled upon a paper weight upon a desk. Seconds later it was tossed through the air and struck close enough to the rampaging mutant to gain his attention and a ceasing of his motions for even just a moment. “Over here, dirt bag! Say Cheese!” Ruby red optic energy spilled out as the glasses were removed, the energy slamming into the man.
Where normally a figure would be felled or at least knocked back from such an onslaught of energy, the man was not. Instead, he seemed to glow and laugh louder. Like Bishop, apparently the man didn’t just shoot energy he absorbed it as well. “Damn!” Scott said as he leapt to the side, barely avoiding the blast of energy sent back his way. The blast managed to graze his leg and the impact sent him flying into and over another desk.
Angelica began crawling towards one of the desks with the idea of getting behind said desk. Pain shot up her leg every time she moved. An orange aura began to glow around her as well as she summoned up her powers trying to spot the man. Something impacted with her face and sent her rolling back, her powers faltering as she lost concentration. Vision was blurry for a moment before coming back to reveal the man standing over her breathing deeply. “Stelllaaaaa!” Angelica had not time to react as suddenly the world went black once again and nothing more was felt or seen.
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To Be Continued...
Next: In Astonishing X-Men #6: The Show Must Go On!
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